I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
