How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
