its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We just shotgunned beers for America
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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