i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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