I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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