I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
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I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
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Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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