erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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