It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the day after is always just damage control
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
