Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize