If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
