Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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