it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He told me they were just razor bumps!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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