thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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