Yo dont text me then not text me
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize