I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
