Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
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mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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