New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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