goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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