He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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