I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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