As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
