Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
