Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
