My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
