My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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