I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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