so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
