the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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