I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
