I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
