ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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