There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
