I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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