I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just pee around me
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
