So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
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Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
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You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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