I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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