i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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