I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
