Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
and you fell through a lawn chair
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
