she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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