I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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