Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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