My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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