I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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