I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
