he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
