I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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