should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
