then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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