I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
