he puts the penis in happiness.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
