remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
