you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I had to cum in my sink.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
