Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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