it hurts more in the daytime
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
wow bdsm is so cute
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
