Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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