stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
