no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
should my penis look like a turkey
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
