After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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