I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
