I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
