My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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