you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
