i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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