He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
