god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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