she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
