marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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