dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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