Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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